Beginning in late December 1996, I was plagued by a mysterious digestive ailment whose symptoms ranged from fairly tolerable to completely debilitating. Although the symptoms eventually stabilized on the low end of the range, they've never disappeared entirely and are still irritating on occasion. I've written up this account not just as an excuse for putting pictures of questionable taste on the Web, but (a) because there might actually be some people interested and (b) because this sickness has provided some enlightening exposure to the medical profession.
The first challenge was proving that I was suffering at all, since the symptoms were unpredictable. Fortunately (?) it was hard to ignore the occasional alien rumblings from the nether regions of my throat and esophagus. (Much later I was to discover, to my chagrin, that I'd been nicknamed "Burpy" by certain linguist classmates.) Further evidence, assuming I haven't become a food-hating misanthrope, came from the fact that the condition seemed at its worst in any situation involving eating, talking and especially laughing or singing, which made my annual New Year's party a bit ill-timed. (I would obviously never invent a condition that would jeopardize my karaoke time!) Moreover, I was told to avoid coffee, alcohol and spicy foods. The first two I can do without; what's the point of living without the third?
I found the process of my diagnosis (or lack thereof) illuminating. The response from the first doctor I saw was probably the most direct and honest "diagnosis" I got, but other suggestions included ulcer, GERD (Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease), iritable bowel syndrome, food allergies, stress, hyperactive digestive system, and air gulping. Some of the less helpful reactions:
Doctor #1: Doesn't sound like anything I've ever heard of.
Doctor #2: Have you been under a lot of stress lately? ... Any lovers' quarrels?
Doctor #3 gave me two lists of foods to avoid, including but not limited to: eggplant (alas!!!), onion, tomato, milk, citrus fruits, broccoli, zucchini, peppers, apples, bananas, and nearly everything else I eat with any regularity. I think rice, garlic and tofu were OK though.
Doctor #4: There's no organic cause for your problems. Maybe you should seek counseling. Or, now that you know there's nothing wrong down there, the symptoms will clear up on their own.
Condescension aside, my symptoms were sufficiently puzzling that I underwent two hospital procedures, neither revealing anything useful but both surprisingly painless and even fun, or at least interesting. Apart from my birth, I haven't had any hospital-worthy mishaps (uh, which is not to say that my birth was one), so I was quite nervous about these.
The (abdominal) ultrasound was straightforward, although I couldn't make much sense of the lights and shadows on the screen, and I was distracted by the jelly being rubbed on my torso with the ultrasound device. The two attending doctors were so kind as to tell me I was their favorite patient of the day, and that I got an `A' for behavior, presumably because I didn't throw a tantrum, and I dutifully turned on my side when told. (Note to med school friends: If you patronize your patients, they'll lose their patience, and you'll lose your patients, because they won't patronize you.)
The endoscopy was more involved. My last sedation was for wisdom tooth removal (which, for the record, was an altogether pleasant experience -- seriously!!), but I didn't get any pretty pictures for that one! But stay away if you have a weak stomach and don't want to see mine (thanks to David Gibson for inspired line).
(I must admit that I was almost disappointed that the endoscopy didn't turn up any unexpected holes. Besides wanting some proof that I wasn't just imagining all of this, I would certainly have enjoyed blaming it on the computer architecture course I had taken the previous semester, which had in any case provided every doctor I've seen with far too convenient a diagnostic scapegoat.)
By this point I was feeling a bit let down by Western
medicine. (Side commentary on UCB medical center: after being referred
to a specialist clinic in early January, I couldn't get an appointment
with a gastroenterologist until March!) A brief foray into different
breathing techniques seemed to help. Then I heard of possible
bacterial causes for digestive problems, which led me to a page for Helicobacter pylori, which has
gained some prominence over the last decade as a cause for stomach
ulcers and digestive problems. A blood test showed that I have indeed
been exposed to it (though most people have). More importantly, the
antibiotic regime I was put on (3 different kinds of pill, 4 times a
day; some with food, some without; no dairy products, no alcohol ... I
could hardly think about anything else!) definitely had an effect; by
late March 1997 my symptoms stabilized on the low, tolerable end of
the range, though they've never disappeared entirely.
In reply: The treatment for H. pylori coincided with the end of the most painful and debilitating of the symptoms. The milder ones persist (and seem correlated with both stress and the consumption of certain foods, e.g. coffee, alcohol, orange juice, etc. -- mostly acidic stuff), though I have had several extended symptom-free periods. I have never seriously pursued any alternative forms of treatment, primarily because the symptoms have been manageable enough to ignore.